I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
