This is not my ceiling
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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