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that's an acceptable place to lick
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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