Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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