shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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