When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
