I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize