This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
