Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
