Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
