I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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