Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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