She said her name was "party"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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