Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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