Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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