I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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