sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
