i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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