I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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