Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
