So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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