That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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