Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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