Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize