the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
