Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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