My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
