god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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