you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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