i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
