I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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