I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
