If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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