I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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