I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
