Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
