you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
