It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
