Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
