dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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