Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
