I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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