I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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