remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
