we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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