I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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