he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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