I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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