You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I understand Curling. That high.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
