there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
