He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How does it feel to date your dad?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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