Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
