If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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