STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
