So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
