i was born a porn star she said
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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