oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
