I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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