Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
