how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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