Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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