I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
