I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
